On the Level - a Zacchaeus story

Written By:
Dave Hopwood
Bible Refs: Luke 19:1-10
Lectionary Weeks: Proper 26, Ordinary/Lectionary 31 (Year C)

A hilarious take on the Zacchaeus story, as he phones the insurance company to try and get cover for climbing the tree. Great introduction to the story for all ages.


Extract from the script:

(Zacchaeus makes a phone call)

Ah good morning, I’m inquiring about the insurance policies you offer. Yes that’s right. For climbing a tree. Yes, I know it’s a daft idea, yes, I could stay on solid ground. But I need to get higher up, don’t I? I’ll also need to run and look an idiot while I’m doing it, does your policy cover that? NO? Really? It doesn’t cover looking daft? Or running? Why not? Well, I just need to do it. I can’t just stroll along sedately, can I? There’ll be crowds. Because the word has got round that he’s coming. It’ll be like bank holiday in Blackpool round here.

And let me tell you, some of the locals here are mean, worse than the Bake Off fans when they heard about the move to Channel 4. This lot can be brutal with their ‘getting to the front of the crowd’ policies. They have elbows like broken bottles. Know what I mean?  They’re all right riff raff round her. Well, normally I do have protection. I have bodyguards, believe me, mate, I need them. Because I’m not popular.

What? Oh I collect taxes. On the level? Course it’s not on the level! Why would I be on the level? I work for the Romans, they’re not on the level. So I need to double what they ask to line my own poc... I mean make a decent living. But people don’t tend to like being fleeced for some strange reason, so that’s something else I wanted to ask about. I need accident cover, just in case one of the locals sees me up the tree and hurls abuse or more likely a rock or two. Or an old dustbin. D’you cover that?  No?...


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Dave is an author and speaker who loves communicating the Bible using contemporary media, humour, illustrations and stories. He is author of several books retelling the Bible including The Groovy Gospel, The Bloke’s Bible, and Film & Faith. He goes out speaking by invitation and regularly publishes ideas and material via his website: www.davehopwood.com

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